ALRIGHT so it’s been a whiiile…I just really haven’t felt compelled to write on here lately. But RELAX, because here I am nerding it out at 11:00pm on a non-school night, coming up with a craft for Head Start/watching She’s the Man/writing on here.
…I know, I KNOW. You wish you were me.
This craft-coming-up-with endeavor is sort of an uphill climb, though, because like. Unless there’s some major holiday on the horizon, crafts really don’t just make themselves YOU KNOW? You know. So right now I’m stuck between making a paper kite, and a pipecleaner leprechaun, which is clearly a tough decision because like….how DO you choose between two equally genius ideas?? I am at a loss.
In other news, the musical is OVER, and has been for like a week or whatever. And even though it went very well and I enjoyed it, I have just been in such a better MOOD since it’s ended. Seriously all this past week I just felt relieved and chill and at ease, so the play was clearly stressing me out more than I realized.
OH MY GOD ok, buckle up because I have the SADDEST STORY OF ALL TIME to share with you. Hopefully I can finish writing it before I just like, lose complete control and shlump on my keyboard and bawl, because it’s just that bad.
Ahem, so. My family is not really like, a technologically advanced group, and we don’t have cable. (I know…I could just stop here, and it would be a sad story). Well we also don’t have Netflix, but we DO have Blockbuster Online, but like who cares, the POINT IS that I make frequent trips to the good old Blockbuster up the street on Ridge Pk. Like, EXTREMELY frequent trips. And I have sort of come to think of that place as a home away from home, and I have bonded with all the employees there and they adore me. Particularly this one employee who is completely bald, but not like old man bald, just bald, and he is MY FAVORITE BLOCKBUSTER GUY OF ALL TIME. And we have a deep and indestructible connection based upon our totally compatible movie tastes, and all of our random, priceless conversations. And he is just the best. And when I was DYING to rent Charlie Bartlett, but they didn’t have it, he helped me find another movie, and then he HELD Charlie Bartlett for me as soon as it came in even though I didn’t ask him to. And when the battery died in my dad’s car because I spent so long looking for a movie, and I had a nervous breakdown because I was pretty certain that my dad would destroy me for killing his car’s battery, Baldie came outside—-completely neglecting his behind the counter duties!!—-and helped me locate the jumper cables in the trunk and jump start the car! And every time I forget my Blockbuster card and/or photo ID, he always lets me slide. And he is just the MAN, and he has this lovable round face, and I feel like we’re married, practically.
So TONIGHT, since it isn’t a school night, I headed up to Blockbuster OBVIOUSLY to rent a movie. But when I got there, the door was locked, and I realized that on Mondays they close at 10 so I was fifteen minutes late or whatever. So I had a good cry, and then started to head back to the car, but of COURSE Baldie (I don’t know why I don’t know his name…it’s fucking disgraceful) popped his head out of the door at the last minute and said hello to me, because no locked door is going to get in the way of a friendship like ours. So I chatted with him, and expressed my distress at the fact that they were closed, and complained about how I was going to have to chill around and watch She’s the Man instead. (Which is really nothing to complain about, because I love this movie so much) Well, when I said that, Baldie replied, “hmmm, you’re going to have to get used to this feeling, because we filed for bankruptcy and are closing before too long. Netflix and shit really did us in.”
Well, my friends. I basically felt like someone had STABBED ME IN THE HEART MULTIPLE TIMES WITH A RAZOR SHARP BLADE. Oh my GOD! What the fuck am I supposed to DO??? My life and entertainment depend like 90% on the existence of that Blockbuster store, and plus how the HELL am I supposed to figure out Baldie’s actual name, let alone marry him so that he can take care of me for all of my days, if they just shut down and I never see him again?!?!?!
:SOB:
worst. news. ever.
Anyway I should probably go, even though I feel like I had some actual legit news to share with you, especially since it’s been so long. But I just got so caught up in that story!! And now I am a total emotional basketcase from telling it, because I’ve realized what an empty black hole my life is going to become thanks to Netflix. And also I need to devote my full attention to She’s the Man right now, because Duke just like came out of the bushes in his tux and I love this part. Siiiiggghh. But I’ll try to write again before like, October or whatever, so don’t fret about that.
P.S. If you are some kind of stalker fact-checker, and you happen to go to the Blockbuster on Ridge, there are two bald guys, and mine is the one who is not the skinny one with glasses.
P.P.S. I am considering chaining myself to the store? Leave your contact info if you’re in.
So, life has been weird recently. I have been weird recently.
Not really sure what my deal is, because generally I’m pretty consistent. But I’ve been acting ALL kinds of dumb lately, in MULTIPLE ways.
The Areas in Which I Have Been Acting Dumb
a brief list by j. coppa
1. Academically–I have gone from semi-stupid and lazy, to just like, retarded.
2. Socially–zomg. I can’t even describe. I am a loud annoying chatterbox, and then when I genuinely care about talking to somebody I can’t even say two words.
3. Physically–Now, ordinarily, I won’t claim that I’m Anna Pavlova or somebody, but I can usually like walk in a straight line without ending up in the ICU, or look at gross things without just totally blowing chunks, or function semi-normally without getting hurt or breaking something valuable. But NO! What is the DEAL? In the past week alone, I have had:
(a) The Stairs Incident
(b) The Rolling Fridge Incident
(c) The Knock Knock Incident
(d) The Basketball from Outer Space
(e) The Cat Incident
I could go ON, but I think you get the idea that like. I’ve been pretty retarded.
De.pressing. And unusual. I feel very off.
I’d say the social thing is the worst. I mean, facing an avalanche of Jones Sodas tumbling out of the rolling fridge at Panera, or barfing during anatomy is like, inconvenient but tolerable. As far as PEOPLE go, though, I feel like I’m fucking things up big time. I don’t mean to be, but I can’t even like string any words together when it counts anymore, and I really need to get a handle on it before I just revert back entirely to my original homeschool ineptitude.
In other news, I think my parents are trying to get me to become a nun, which, aside from being unreasonable and weird, is semi-entertaining. This family my Mom is friends with has a daughter my age who just entered a convent in Alabama, and my parents spent all of dinner like, exclaiming over how admirable that is. So I guess if the rest of my life just dissolves into a giant failure, as it seems to be doing currently, I can always up and go to Alabama to spend some q.time with The Lord. At least I’ve got options.
Anyway, I’m babysitting and I have to go read to Rosa and Olivia. But I’ll keep you posted on my truly enthralling, unraveling life.
LATA.
Current favorite song: Tranquilize – The Killers
Alright I’ll try to keep this pretty normal, since I have been subjecting you to a cruel amount of cryptic/deathly boring entries lately. Honestly, to everyone who read my last couple of entries and proceeded to jump off a bridge…I sincerely apologize.
Hmmmmmmmmm, so! Latest events…
I got the part I wanted in the musical, which is a relief kind of. It’s double-casted which at first like totally horrified me, and it still sort of sucks a lot, but I’ve tried to get used to it. We’ll see how it is when practice gets rolling. Something new to complain about, right?! Thank God. And also, with another play starting, you know what that means…….SPIRIT! Hooray. Just when I thought life was getting a little too tolerable.
I’ve actually been feeling pretty badly about complaining so much about things. Because I really do complain a lot, as you have undoubtedly observed. But recently, I guess with the coming of Thanksgiving and everything, I’ve been feeling sort of rotten about being so selfish and negative, and I’ve been realizing that I’m actually pretty lucky, all-in-all. And yes, these are definitely thoughts that are pretty uncharacteristic of my general ways of thinking, but I heard the other day that this family I used to know from homeschooling just lost their house. Seriously! LOST IT. It burned down and now they have nowhere to live. So they’re like, kind of nomadically slumming it until they figure out what to do, since their resources are limited. And these are homeschoolers so obviously their family is like, gigantic by human standards.
And, what????? What was that, Juliana????? You are complaining because you have to split your part in the play with someone else, and because your family is annoying and all of this other inconsequential shit????? Are you seriously that superficial and selfish?????
I appall myself, seriously.
Anyway, changing the subject, last night while I was digging through the bookshelf in the girls’ room looking for thanksgivingish books to bring to Head Start, I stumbled across my old journal from when I was 9. LET ME TELL YOU, if you are ever looking for a truly enthralling read, dig up some stuff you wrote as a wide-eyed, impressionable youth. It’s pretty wild. It was actually a little sad to read at some parts, especially the entries where I was sad about being homeschooled and having no friends. I felt such a crushing and heart breaking empathy for my poor nine year-old self. But there were funny parts too, and OBVIOUSLY I had the grammar and vocabulary of a middle-aged college professor, which made it a smooth and scintillating read. It’s a little bizarre visiting with your younger self, but I kind of enjoyed it and it was interesting to see where I’ve been.
Anyway, in other TERRIBLE news, guys, I’m afraid that I’ve turned to the dark side. I know, I know! I’m sorry. I kept telling myself I wouldn’t do it, kept saying it was totally dumb and trendy, kept warding off all thoughts of even going where anywhere NEAR it. I planned to sever ties with all my weak, fanatical friends. I planned to perhaps even start some sort of counter-movement in an effort to quell the surging masses of fans. BUT I GAVE IN!!!!!! And I know you are so disappointed in me, but I had to see what all the fuss was about….
I read Twilight.
Aaaah I’m embarassed. But I did, and I had to come out about it to someone…who better than the worldwide web?
It’s so good though. For the record.
But anyway, I’ve put off studying for math for like way entirely too long. And I have to reteach myself the whole chapter since I am never mentally present in that class. I should definitely get on that.
Nice talking though.
THE WEEKEND IN SOME VAGUE NEWS BRIEFS:
- It’s over, hallelujah
- Finally addressing the issue. Not necessarily fixing it.
- Wishing they would realize they are trapped
- ROMEO! And our badass adventure
- Mildly surprised, mildly disappointed
- Telling BOTH SECRETS
- No regrets
- Majorly skeeved out
- Profound realization
- Tearing down one wall, noticing another
- Losing someone?
- Preparing for cruel disappointment
- Preparing to not go down without a fight
quite, quite a weekend.
ohhh boy, it’s been too long guys. It’s just that there are so many exciting events going on in my life that I can barely squeeze an entry in between one awesome thing and the next.
LOL.
So, this past week was alright. The sucky stuff vs. okay stuff ratio was pretty even, which is always nice. I know you were probably getting a little nervous, thinking that I had died during the mile and that was why I didn’t write for two days or whatever it was. So, set your hearts at ease, I am alive. I did briefly slip into a coma after my air supply was cut-off in an asthmatic attack, but Mr. Musselman and his heroic paramedic skills eventually revived me, and here I am. Fit as a fiddle.
You’re also probably pretty eager to hear how ‘High School Musical’ went. Well obviously it was tremendous. And experiencing it opening night with my eight year-old sister and 300 other shrieking preteens only enhanced the experience. Do I regret not going to Homecoming? Not one iota.
The rest of this weekend was pretttyy fun. I worked yesterday, went to church, slept over Morgshmorg’s, went to the Laurel House 5k this morning, and worked this afternoon/night. Got zero homework done and I kind of doubt I will.
This coming week is already setting up to be a suckfest, because three out of the five days are fucking spirit days for theatre/wpg. (Tomorrow: 5k tshirts, Tues: Breast Cancer, Weds: Crucible). It makes me seriously want to die. DIE, I tell you.
I got my SAT scores back on Thursday, which turned out better than I expected, and I met my goal threshold number, so that’s positive.
So, last night as I was falling asleep, I had a REVELATION. There is nothing better than an as-you-fall-asleep revelation, that’s for sure. Sometimes these groundbreaking things just hit you like a load of bricks, and this one was quite an epiphany. It was pretty exciting when it hit me last night, but as these things often go, when I woke up, it was less exciting and more hopeless. And then as the day went on, I realized what a worthless revelation it had been, and that I probably should have had it several months ago.
Which is too bad.
Well anyway, now that I’ve updated you on the latest devastatingly fascinating detes, I should probably go readdd and consider doing some homework. Quite an upbeat entry though, right? I’ll try to tone it down next time.
Hullo. Just got back from work and thought I’d check in. I should PROBABLY be reading Angela’s Ashes, seeing as I’m on page….125….and there’s like a THOUSAND pages in the book and it’s due monday. Oh well I’ll get to it eventually. I actually read a decent amount at work, which was nice, although slightly unprofessional of me. I probably should have been like, cleaning stuff during my down time since I’m being PAID, and not reading. But no one stopped me so, whatever. It was actually a pretty good conversation starter though, people would see the book behind the counters and we would suddenly launch into a spirited conversation about how EXTREMELY HAPPY we are that neither of us are Frank McCourt. (Although if I was Frank McCourt, I would definitely tear up this essay on Monday for sure) CUSTOMER CONNECTIONS. I’m telling you. It’s what the job’s all about.
I am a fantastic customer-connector. I have awesome, unique conversations with all of my customers, pretty much. Except the BITCHES who order like a thousand bagels when our bagel slicer is broken, and who make me hand-slice all of them and then who yell at me when their bagels are drenched in my BLOOD because of the fact that I am like hastily hacking through cinnamon crunch bagels with like a totally dull knife, excuse ME. But yeah, other than those sluts, customers love me. IN FACT, I got a sticker next to my name on the employee list, because someone submitted a comment on Panera’s online survey that said that Jule was a “lovely and sweet cashier”. Yeah. I am. Thank you.
So, I have been having like, an extremely FAT and UGLY month. Well more like several months/year, but mostly month I guess. And I don’t really know what to do about it, because I can’t change the fact that I am like, currently hideous, and I keep coming home from school at like 6:00 so my running schedule has just like, halted. BUT THAT IS NO EXCUSE, JULIANA. I know I know. I’ll try to get less ugly and fat, RELAX, I’m sorry.
Sometimes I wish I could just like, briefly jump to the future and check on myself. You know????? Just to see how some things turn out, and make sure that everything’s going smoothly. There are actually several specific things that I’d like to check on in the future, but I’d also like to generally see if I’m doing okay. I think if I could peek ahead a little, I’d probably be less stressed right NOW. But I guess that that’s like, completely breaking the rules of life. But SPEAKING of those rules, I would actually like to have a WORD with whoever came up with them, because most of them suck pretty badly, and I think a few amendments here and there would certainly improve things.
For instance, one major rule of life, clearly, is that God plants ONE PERSON in your life who exists for like, the sole purpose of TORTURING you. And don’t even lie to me, you know who I’m talking about. It’s that one person who like, excels in all the areas that you struggle, and who has EVERYTHING you want, and who is allegedly your friend even though every time you see them you just want to like smash their face with a metal beam. And being friends with them is just this constant challenge, because since you’re FRIENDS you don’t want to be jealous of them and you feel guilty hating them, so you just like, suck up the fact that they are perfect even though you are secretly dying for like, an anvil to miraculously fall from the sky and crush them. Yeah. THAT person. Thanks for that, God. Awesome idea.
I’m not saying that this applies to a specific situation in my life right now, I’m just saying. That seems to be one of the more shitty life rules.
NO ONE is online right now! Well, there are people online, but they’re all dumb. Maybe all the not-dumb people made like a joint decision to block me.
That would definitely happen.
Yo, you know what? I had a horrible day yesterday. And I kind of forgot about it, but I was just reviewing the recent events in my life trying to think if I had anything interesting to report to you, and yesterday was definitely a record-breakingly awful awful day. Seriously dude, I legitimately cried during 11th mod. Well, I kept it under control, but I was about to. Which is stupid, I hate when I get upset about things that are trivial, but yesterday there were just so many awful, trivial things, that they all piled up and it became too much to handle. And after school I was acting really mean and rude which was my way of like, holding off an emotional collapse. But I think I cemented the idea in a lot of people’s heads that I am a huge bitch.
So that’s kind of a shame, especially since I have been working hard to NOT be a bitch, and I had been doing so well I thought. But now I have to start over.
frustrating. very.
Aaaaanyway, I know you’re dying for me to just go on forever with all of this useless rambling, but I actually should probably press on with Angela’s Ashes and see if I can like, reach a halfway point before I fall asleep.
Oh and I also want to apologize for the thousands of “like”s that riddle my blog. It’s such a bad habit, and believe it or not, I even edit some of them out before I publish my posts. That’s pretty sad. But I’ll work on it, along with the millions of other things about me that desperately need to be worked on.
One day it’ll all fall into place, right?
probably not.
You know in movies when there’s like, a guy in a room, and the room is slowly filling up with water, and he’s like trying to jar open the door and get out, and he keeps like swimming to the top to get a breath of air, and you’re just sitting there watching the movie like, “yeah. this guy is done for.”
I feel like I’ve seen that in a lot of movies, but I apologize if you’re less familiar with this particular scenario. If you’ve never seen this happen, watch like, The Guardian, Phantom of the Opera, National Treasure…idk there’s a bunch. It’ll be there I promise.
ANYWAY, the reason I’m describing this to you, is because that’s seriously how I feel like my life is right now. And yes, I am kind of exaggerating, because my life is not really in imminent danger (that I know of) and there’s not really any water involved so like. It’s a stretch. But the point is, I’m majorly floundering. I feel like I’m basically failing at everything, which is a pretty sucky thing to feel, and I also feel like I have pretty much zero friends. Well…that’s not fair I guess, I DO have friends, but I feel like we only relate on so many levels, and they really have no idea what is actually going on in my life. And that’s not their fault, seriously, I’m not expecting people to like do a detailed background search on me and figure out all my problems and like 100% empathize with me, but…it’s nice to have friends who semi-relate.
I’m making it sound sound like I have all these ridiculously serious problems in my life right now, which isn’t really true at all…it’s all stupid stuff like money and school and parents, and I’m sure that things will start looking up eventually. It’s just at like, an exceptionally low, sucky point right now.
I’m also sort of freaking out, because my mom was talking to me about my grandmom today and she is apparently not doing too well. Which I didn’t even KNOW, and it makes me feel BAD that I didn’t know, because what kind of a grandchild am I? Like, a pretty terrible one. I never make an effort to see or talk to my grandmom, and it appears that my time is running out to do so.
I don’t know guys. (Don’t ask me why I’m referring to the zero people who read this as “guys”, it just feels better to imagine somebody actually listening to me) I always say how much I hate those emo blogs where people just whine about their lives 24/7, and here I am doing the same thing. It’s just TOUGH, you know?? Why is life so freaking tough??? And I figure that like, I better talk to somebody, even if it’s just this echoey void in cyberspace, or else I’ll probably explode one day. Which doesn’t really seem like a positive thing.
On a brighter note, I just planned the outfits I’m going to wear for this ENTIRE WEEK. ISN’T THAT EXCITING?!?! Probably not for you, but I seriously spend way too much time the night before figuring out what to wear. But this week, I’m all ready to go. I’m pretty pumped.
Anyway I should probably go to sleep. Sorry for a totally dumb entry.
they would be:
1. To be the most beautiful person in the world.
2. To have a continuously replenishing box of money that never ever ran out, and that no one knew about.
3. To stop being so selfish.
