Look at the snow, guys! I thought it would never come. Obviously it comes on a day where it does not affect our school schedule in any way, but it is beautiful nonetheless.
I just got back from our WPG performance for Martin Luther King Day. It was awesome.
I bitch about WPG pretty constantly, and I will admit that most of the time it’s not really my favorite part of life. But the MLK performance, especially this year for some reason, is really something. I don’t know what it was about today, but talking to to people at the end and hearing the things that everyone was saying was really moving. I was looking for my shoes in the rows of chairs at the back at the end, and this hulking guy came up and gave me a huge hug and thanked me in the nicest way. And he was seriously like the most terrifying man I’ve ever seen, but there were tears in his eyes and it was just like. The coolest thing. And the thing is, it’s not even very hard to do this performance. We just work on the different pieces for a couple weeks, drive to Eagleville Hospital, and DO it. And the fact that so little exertion on my part can produce such a profound effect is like, mind boggling to me. Because if I exerted myself MORE, and more OFTEN, then like. Lots could be accomplished I guess.
It was a good day.
In other news, midterms are frighteningly soon, and I’m kind of starting to have a minor panic attack about them. But senior projects are finished, and once I scrape my way through this week this school year will hopefully take a turn for the more relaxed. Other than the musical, and WPG, and all the head starts that we have left.
SIGHHHHH.
In OTHER news, nothing has come of something and now I’m disappointed but relieved.
In still more news, I am really excited about something that I was originally dreading, and I’m hoping for something that I originally thought was impossible.
So! Stuff has been happening I guess. Anyway I’m sorry for the intense level of mediocrity that we have been experiencing lately with these posts. I’ve been in sort of a rut. But thanks to this snow, the world is a bright new canvas, and thanks to WPG I have a renewed hope in humanity, and thanks to midterms we are coming up on a fresh term of school.
Maybe, MAYBE things’ll start looking up.
Alright I’ll try to keep this pretty normal, since I have been subjecting you to a cruel amount of cryptic/deathly boring entries lately. Honestly, to everyone who read my last couple of entries and proceeded to jump off a bridge…I sincerely apologize.
Hmmmmmmmmm, so! Latest events…
I got the part I wanted in the musical, which is a relief kind of. It’s double-casted which at first like totally horrified me, and it still sort of sucks a lot, but I’ve tried to get used to it. We’ll see how it is when practice gets rolling. Something new to complain about, right?! Thank God. And also, with another play starting, you know what that means…….SPIRIT! Hooray. Just when I thought life was getting a little too tolerable.
I’ve actually been feeling pretty badly about complaining so much about things. Because I really do complain a lot, as you have undoubtedly observed. But recently, I guess with the coming of Thanksgiving and everything, I’ve been feeling sort of rotten about being so selfish and negative, and I’ve been realizing that I’m actually pretty lucky, all-in-all. And yes, these are definitely thoughts that are pretty uncharacteristic of my general ways of thinking, but I heard the other day that this family I used to know from homeschooling just lost their house. Seriously! LOST IT. It burned down and now they have nowhere to live. So they’re like, kind of nomadically slumming it until they figure out what to do, since their resources are limited. And these are homeschoolers so obviously their family is like, gigantic by human standards.
And, what????? What was that, Juliana????? You are complaining because you have to split your part in the play with someone else, and because your family is annoying and all of this other inconsequential shit????? Are you seriously that superficial and selfish?????
I appall myself, seriously.
Anyway, changing the subject, last night while I was digging through the bookshelf in the girls’ room looking for thanksgivingish books to bring to Head Start, I stumbled across my old journal from when I was 9. LET ME TELL YOU, if you are ever looking for a truly enthralling read, dig up some stuff you wrote as a wide-eyed, impressionable youth. It’s pretty wild. It was actually a little sad to read at some parts, especially the entries where I was sad about being homeschooled and having no friends. I felt such a crushing and heart breaking empathy for my poor nine year-old self. But there were funny parts too, and OBVIOUSLY I had the grammar and vocabulary of a middle-aged college professor, which made it a smooth and scintillating read. It’s a little bizarre visiting with your younger self, but I kind of enjoyed it and it was interesting to see where I’ve been.
Anyway, in other TERRIBLE news, guys, I’m afraid that I’ve turned to the dark side. I know, I know! I’m sorry. I kept telling myself I wouldn’t do it, kept saying it was totally dumb and trendy, kept warding off all thoughts of even going where anywhere NEAR it. I planned to sever ties with all my weak, fanatical friends. I planned to perhaps even start some sort of counter-movement in an effort to quell the surging masses of fans. BUT I GAVE IN!!!!!! And I know you are so disappointed in me, but I had to see what all the fuss was about….
I read Twilight.
Aaaah I’m embarassed. But I did, and I had to come out about it to someone…who better than the worldwide web?
It’s so good though. For the record.
But anyway, I’ve put off studying for math for like way entirely too long. And I have to reteach myself the whole chapter since I am never mentally present in that class. I should definitely get on that.
Nice talking though.
Filed under: reflection
I am constantly misjudging people. Within three minutes of meeting someone, or even seeing them, I make a decision about them. “I dunno she just seems annoying.” “He is so full of himself.” “I think she may have a severe undiagnosed mental disability.” Most of the time I use these judgments to make funny comments, or because I need to feel strongly about something; I can’t just be undecided or indifferent, I have to love or hate. As much as I enjoy not liking people, I have found myself looking stupid or eating my words a lot of the time. I have also noticed that it makes my real and unadulterated hatred less of a big deal, because if I nonchalantly hate EVERYBODY, then when I truly loathe someone no one really notices or cares to figure out the difference. HOWEVER, it does make my good opinion into a bigger deal, so there’s that as well.
The sad thing is, people are constantly proving me wrong. I’ll decide that someone is like a complete freakazoid waste of space, and then find out that they are a truly profound and wonderful person. Freshman year there was this girl in my English class who I despised from the very beginning. She would just open her mouth, seriously, and STUPID WORDS would come out. And her hair was totally weird and she was the biggest suck up of all time. I made the decision to think those things during the first three days of school, and I kept up those feelings about her ALL YEAR LONG. WELL! April rolled around, and my birthday was approaching. “MY BIRTHDAY IS APPROACHING EVERYBODY!!!” I would periodically announce throughout the month. Anyway my birthday arrived (It’s April 21st just FYI. I take cash or check.), and I had a pleasant day and gathered a fair number of balloons, and generally enjoyed myself. Then I got to 11th mod English, and WHAT DO YOU KNOW?????? Stupid-suck up-weird hair girl had made me a freaking CAKE! Not just any cake, but a half vanilla, half chocolate MASTERPIECE that had my NAME in green lettering on the icing. And I just stared at that gigantic cake on my desk, and everybody helped themselves and we had a marvelous party. But I might as well have just eaten a rock or something. The cake just sat sadly in the pit of my stomach, filling up my entire body with feelings of guilt and regret and boring holes into my conscience like you wouldn’t believe. And I looked across the room at Stupid-suck up- weird hair girl, and REALLY LOOKED at her for the first time since the beginning of the year, and I realized that I had chosen to condemn a perfectly decent and kindhearted kid. Her hair was still weird, but why was it my job to hold that against her? It was a learning experience to say the LEAST.
Anyway, I keep telling myself to like, take a chill pill on the excessive hate thing, but I am finding it is a tough habit to break. I get this feeling of elation when I hate people that will be difficult to part with.
Ahem, well. I don’t even remember what prompted this little frolick into all the bitchy corners of my personality, but I haven’t reached much of a conclusion. I am a troubled child who hates to love hating people. I should probably resolve this issue at some point.
Oh by the way, all of you herds of readers that I have out there: get used to posts like this. Lame and poorly written documentation of all of my random and disconnected thoughts. I’ll be honest, my first post was a little misleading. It sounded like I might have some profound or worthwhile thoughts swirling around in my head that could potentially find their way into an entry. WELL! No such luck. I am full of totally mundane and stupid ideas that I can rarely even string together into coherent sentences, so BUCKLE UP, this blog is going to generally blow.
anyway, my right eyeball is all like irritated at the moment, my eyelids are sneakily dragging themselves down, and my whole head feels sort of cloudy and exhausted. So I am going to remedy that with some good old fashioned SLUMBA. But don’t worry I will undoubtedly return with lots more to say on absolutely nothing.
