hey-ooo.
So, it is MARCH right now of senior year. I don’t know… that just occurred to me, how not very much time is left of this year. And first of all, I’m a little disappointed because I have been given the impression that senior year is supposed to be like, sweet. But thus far it has sucked. And second of all I’m feeling a sort of carpe diem attitude about the remainder of the year. Because who the fuck cares anymore, right? Only three months left in this place, may as well actually have fun.
Speaking of NOT having fun, there is this ongoing THING in my life, currently, which has permanently taken up residence in the “WTF?” region of my brain. I am honestly bewildered by it, and am also pretty sick of it. But I care about it too kind of so I wish it would work out. However, at this point it’s looking like I’m the only ONE who cares about it, so I think I may just have to stop caring even though I don’t want to. You know what I’m talking about? Of course you do. So. Frustrating.
In other news, new episodes of Gossip Girl air tomorrow night thank GOD. I have something to look forward to.
Today is the day three years ago that my grandmom died. I remember it SO DISTINCTLY, I like can’t even believe it has already been three years. We had a mass today at my granddad’s house with the whole family there, which was pretty unbearable because like…my whole extended family in one house IS just unbearable, regardless of the solemnity of the occasion. But it was a nice thing. It’s pretty impressive to look around at my eighteen aunts and uncles and forty-something cousins, and to think of the matriarch of this gigantic group of people and how like, wherever she is now, she still has so many pieces of her left on earth. It’s kind of sweet.
I also visited my other grandmom today, because I sometimes go read to her on Sundays. And I have decided that aging is a total bitch. Seriously. If I could just check out of here at around age 74, I am totally cool with that. Because completely losing control of your existence seems…not that enjoyable to me. I mean, Grandmom Ayres is making the best of it obviously, and her condition is still pretty dece for being 95, but like. Getting old just seems like it sucks, it really does.
AN EXAMPLE of how getting old sucks, is that today I filed my TAXES. How depressing is that??? But I actually get a sweet refund so it isn’t so bad I suppose.
Alright well this entry was pretty terrible, and full of some extremely random and pointless things. But whaaat can you do. It is now time to go to bed because I feel like I’m going to die.
buenas noches.
PS: I went to check on the word “aging” to make sure I spelled it right, because it was looking a little funky, and it TURNS OUT that it is correct to spell it either “aging” OR “ageing”. Weird. The English Language is a marvelous thing, my friends.
SNOW DAY today. It was nice.
I always particularly cherish snow days since I was deprived of them as a homeschooler (for obvious reasons). I love them so much.
I was feeling mildly productive today, which was unusual but not unwelcome, and I got a lot of stuff done. I also went sledding with my Irish neighbor and his friend, which was random but also not unwelcome.
Head Start is on Friday, and I am currently trying to invent a craft related to GROUNDHOG DAY. It’s not as easy as I thought it would be. My current idea involves a construction paper groundhog glued to a popsicle stick, that pops up out of a small paper cup with grass drawn on the sides. I don’t know if you can visualize that, but it’s pretty wild.
In other news, a woman in California just had octuplets. So, good luck to her with that.
In some extremely BAD news, THE MAKEUP BAG IS LOST FOREVER. :weeps: So. Everyone can get used to Washed Out Deformed and Blotchy Jule until its contents are replaced.
So, I started writing a STORY today. I used to write stories all the time, especially when I was homeschooled. In fourth grade I had a series of stories called “The Summer of Surprises”, which detailed the magical events of the summer of a young girl named Melanie Mayfair. In sixth grade I hand-wrote an entire 23 chapter book (it was a really boring year, clearly) which was basically just me re-writing the entire book of Little Women because I hated how it ended. And in seventh grade I started writing bitter short stories about a young homeschooled girl with a terrible life and a psycho family. But in recent years my story-writing has taken a backseat to other things, such as trying to stay academically afloat and also trying to get more than 2 hours of sleep per night. But today I was just in the mooood to write something, and so I wove together some REAL LIFE EVENTS of recent months, sprinkled them with enough fiction to make them bearable, and squashed it all up into a wonderful short story that I filed away with my other written masterpieces. No doubt years after my death, someone will stumble upon this treasure trove of literary genius, and the collossal earnings from publishing all of them will put all my grandkids through college.
Siiiiigh. Glad I could help, kids.
OK well I have like 80 groundhogs to cut out, it looks like, so I’m going to wrap this up.
I shall ttyl.
Look at the snow, guys! I thought it would never come. Obviously it comes on a day where it does not affect our school schedule in any way, but it is beautiful nonetheless.
I just got back from our WPG performance for Martin Luther King Day. It was awesome.
I bitch about WPG pretty constantly, and I will admit that most of the time it’s not really my favorite part of life. But the MLK performance, especially this year for some reason, is really something. I don’t know what it was about today, but talking to to people at the end and hearing the things that everyone was saying was really moving. I was looking for my shoes in the rows of chairs at the back at the end, and this hulking guy came up and gave me a huge hug and thanked me in the nicest way. And he was seriously like the most terrifying man I’ve ever seen, but there were tears in his eyes and it was just like. The coolest thing. And the thing is, it’s not even very hard to do this performance. We just work on the different pieces for a couple weeks, drive to Eagleville Hospital, and DO it. And the fact that so little exertion on my part can produce such a profound effect is like, mind boggling to me. Because if I exerted myself MORE, and more OFTEN, then like. Lots could be accomplished I guess.
It was a good day.
In other news, midterms are frighteningly soon, and I’m kind of starting to have a minor panic attack about them. But senior projects are finished, and once I scrape my way through this week this school year will hopefully take a turn for the more relaxed. Other than the musical, and WPG, and all the head starts that we have left.
SIGHHHHH.
In OTHER news, nothing has come of something and now I’m disappointed but relieved.
In still more news, I am really excited about something that I was originally dreading, and I’m hoping for something that I originally thought was impossible.
So! Stuff has been happening I guess. Anyway I’m sorry for the intense level of mediocrity that we have been experiencing lately with these posts. I’ve been in sort of a rut. But thanks to this snow, the world is a bright new canvas, and thanks to WPG I have a renewed hope in humanity, and thanks to midterms we are coming up on a fresh term of school.
Maybe, MAYBE things’ll start looking up.
OK so my attempts at getting my time stamps to be like, at least within the ballpark of being accurate have totally failed. Sheri from FAQ tried to help me out with it, but like, I don’t speak computer. So I don’t even know what she told me. Just so you know though, it is November 18 at 8:44 p.m. Not like the wee hours of the morning on the 19th or whatever it’s telling you.
Oh, gosh, so there is like a whole lot of stuff going on right now. But I can’t TALK to you about it, because even though it all feels gigantic and important to ME, when I write it all down I’m going to realize how uninteresting and insignificant it all really is, and you won’t be able to comprehend how much I CARE about it all, and how insane I am going with apprehension and anticipation and anxiety and hoping and fearing and wondering and dreading and truly not knowing how the fuck to proceed.
So I just have to like, stew alone in all these exciting and miserable thoughts.
I don’t even know why I’m writing on here, really, since mum’s the word on pretty much everything at the moment. And also since I should most definitely be trying to learn the bones of the skeleton like, stat, since that horrible test is tomorrow. But idk I just feel like I am going to EXPLODE, and I want so much to just go on a venting rampage and tell you all these crazy and secret things, but it’ll sound stupid and plus you don’t care and plus I just can’t talk about any of it.
frustrating entry. I apologize. I’ll get back to you once I make sense of it all.
ohhh boy, it’s been too long guys. It’s just that there are so many exciting events going on in my life that I can barely squeeze an entry in between one awesome thing and the next.
LOL.
So, this past week was alright. The sucky stuff vs. okay stuff ratio was pretty even, which is always nice. I know you were probably getting a little nervous, thinking that I had died during the mile and that was why I didn’t write for two days or whatever it was. So, set your hearts at ease, I am alive. I did briefly slip into a coma after my air supply was cut-off in an asthmatic attack, but Mr. Musselman and his heroic paramedic skills eventually revived me, and here I am. Fit as a fiddle.
You’re also probably pretty eager to hear how ‘High School Musical’ went. Well obviously it was tremendous. And experiencing it opening night with my eight year-old sister and 300 other shrieking preteens only enhanced the experience. Do I regret not going to Homecoming? Not one iota.
The rest of this weekend was pretttyy fun. I worked yesterday, went to church, slept over Morgshmorg’s, went to the Laurel House 5k this morning, and worked this afternoon/night. Got zero homework done and I kind of doubt I will.
This coming week is already setting up to be a suckfest, because three out of the five days are fucking spirit days for theatre/wpg. (Tomorrow: 5k tshirts, Tues: Breast Cancer, Weds: Crucible). It makes me seriously want to die. DIE, I tell you.
I got my SAT scores back on Thursday, which turned out better than I expected, and I met my goal threshold number, so that’s positive.
So, last night as I was falling asleep, I had a REVELATION. There is nothing better than an as-you-fall-asleep revelation, that’s for sure. Sometimes these groundbreaking things just hit you like a load of bricks, and this one was quite an epiphany. It was pretty exciting when it hit me last night, but as these things often go, when I woke up, it was less exciting and more hopeless. And then as the day went on, I realized what a worthless revelation it had been, and that I probably should have had it several months ago.
Which is too bad.
Well anyway, now that I’ve updated you on the latest devastatingly fascinating detes, I should probably go readdd and consider doing some homework. Quite an upbeat entry though, right? I’ll try to tone it down next time.
This fall is OWNING last fall weather/appearance-wise. Have you noticed? The trees outside are like, ridic, take a look. Unfortunately, this fall is not owning last fall event-wise, or school-wise or friend-wise. Can’t have everything though I guess.
My lack of sleep has reached like, a pretty ridiculous level at this point. I’m in a sort of comatose daze at the moment. I wish that our energy didn’t depend on how LONG we sleep, but how HARD we sleep. Wouldn’t that be awesome?! It’s like, “oh gosh I stayed up SO LATE. Oh well, I’ll just sleep really hard for an hour and it’ll be all good.” I don’t know really how we would go about increasing the intensity of our sleep, but if we could, it would be pretty freaking sweet.
So this week went pretty fast actually, I was thinking that after the fourday weekend it would crawl, but it wasn’t bad. It was a weird week though. I seriously cried like, eleven times, embarassing as that is to say. And I don’t GET it, because I am generally pretty emotionally stable, and NO, smartass, it’s not because it’s that time o’ the month. All this upsetting stuff just kept happening! But it wasn’t even that upsetting, so I really just need to get it together and stop being a baby. Cause the crying tally on this week was RIDIC. So if you see me somewhere all snuffling and red-eyed, just like choke me or something ok.
In other news, there is something IN THE WORKS right now that I am pretty excited about. But at this point it could go either way, so I’m kind of crossing my fingers and waiting to see what happens. But if it goes through, it’ll be awesome.
So, I started this year out with all these lofty ambitions that I would start being totally nice to everyone and stop being mean. And I’ve been trying really hard, but it’s getting pretty difficult because EVERYONE is so fucking ANNOYING. Like, I had all these mother-teresa-esque plans and it was going to be tremendous, but people seriously aren’t giving me anything to work with at all. In fact, I feel like they’re being purposely MORE annoying in order to trip me up in my saintly quest. So, a little message to the public, if you think I’m being outrageously mean, MAYBE IT’S YOU. Maybe you are just unbearable.
Something to think about.
Yesterday I had another explosive fight with my parents (which are becoming a bi-weekly thing, seriously) and I NOTICED SOMETHING. Every time I have fought with my parents (specifically my dad) in the past month, I have been wearing the SAME SHIRT. I know!!! What the heck is that about?! And it sucks cause I really love that shirt, but now I feel like every time I wear it I’m risking having a traumatic battle with the parentals. So maybe I should wear a different shirt, and change once I leave the house. Such a hassle, but worth it I guess.
Yo, are you so sick of this election? Cause I really am. It started out as an epic and tight race, and then tapered off into like, the Obamessiah versus Father Christmas and his retarded sidekick. Seriously, S.Pal, thanks for screwing everything up and being a ignorant, cliche, laughable fool. I really appreciate it. Now I have to deal with stupid Barackopolis Obamania Fest for four fucking years. Thank you, a lot.
Anyway I have some serious vacuuming to do so that I can hopefully take some kind of nap before work tonight. I apologize for the dumb and choppy entry, but you’re used to it by now I guess.
luuuhhhvyaz
Oh my LORD I cannot believe that this is only Monday of a regular 5-day week. How dare they give us a full week of school? You’d think it was the beginning of the year or something.
So I am in like, a major in-between phase right now, and it’s super annoying. There’s just nothing going ON. There’s stuff on the horizon, but I feel like I’m on this boring old treadmill and I’ll never GET to it. One thing that is going on, unfortunately, is that I have to wear my Breast Cancer Awareness tshirt to school tomorrow, and I just put it on right now to like, preview it. And it’s BAD, let me tell you. So that’s already setting me up to be in a bad mood tomorrow. But I’ll try to overcome it.
OHmagod, I read an awesome book this weekend. I made the controversial decision of taking several books out of the library on the last day before the fourday weekend instead buckling down to read Hamlet the whole time. And even though I took the stupid check-test today and it was horrific, I do not regret reading the other books, cause the one was SO GOOD! I’m always hesitant to talk about the books I read (other than Hamlet and Angela’s Ashes) on here, because all my buckets of readers clearly are very selective and probably have very distinguished taste as far as reading goes (or else why else would they be reading this incredibly intellectual blog?) and I don’t want them looking down on me for reading dumb books. But I thoroughly enjoyed this one so I’ll tell you anyway. Ahem, it was called “So Yesterday” by Scott Westerfield. And YES the name is dumb, but if you are looking for a quick and very entertaining read, then pick it UP. And shut up, I can see you looking down at me through your dumb, smart, horn-rimmed glasses, totally outraged that I’m not reading Dostoevsky or Tolstoy or whoever. But cut me a break, I’m not trying to impress anyone.
Oh ok, so I have a story.
Last night I went to work, and then following work I briefly met up with my dear buddies at Max&Erma’s for the end of a gathering in honor of one of my dear buddies’ birthdays. (All of this is irrelevant and unimportant to the story, but I wanted to provide you with some background info). So after all of that, I was on my way home, and the gas light was on which really freaks me out, so I decided to get some gas. SO! I went to Wawa and got gas. As the car was filling up, I thought to myself (feeling very productive) “well! while I’m waiting, I might as well clean out some of the trash from the car.” I gathered up the empty bags and wrappers from the car, and threw them in the trashcan, and along with them I THREW OUT MY CAR KEYS! Oh my god it was so embarassing. I don’t even know what happened, the key-ring was around my finger and when I chucked the trash it just went sailing. I gasped in horror as I heard the jingle of the keys tumbling to the bottom of the very large trashcan. “Oh my god,” I said aloud to the man at the pump next to me, “I just threw out my car keys!” I laughed hysterically, hoping he would join me in my mortified effort to not look like an idiot. Instead he totally countered that effort by giving me the “allllllrighty then” eyebrow raise. Whatever buddy. Your day will come. Anyway, I realized that I had to somehow recover the keys, and I tried to take the lid off the trashcan. But it was one of those ones that don’t really have a lid, and instead just have like a slot on each side, so I ended up just like breaking the top off of the trashcan. Yes I kind of feel bad. But it was a desperate time. So once the lid was broken off, I had to like dive head first into the debris to search for the keys, and finally found them neatly shiskebabbing a half-eaten McDonald’s snack wrap. GROSS! I had to disinfect them by sloshing some anti-freeze on them that I found in the back of the car. Which, come to think of it, probably has zero disinfecting properties. Oh well.
So that’s the latest tale of me making a FOOL of myself.
In other news, remember when I told you I was IN LOVE?! Well, it turns out that it was a false alarm. I know I know. It seemed legit, but alas. Did not last, which is really too bad, since that kind of thing usuall livens things up. Especially when one is in an in-between phase in their life, as I am.
Ugh well anyway, I’m going to go try to scrounge up some materials to make a less-hideous breast cancer tshirt. It will probably be a fruitless search, but it’s worth a try since this one grows uglier by the MINUTE.
I’ll report back sometime soon.
don’t WORRY, I’ll try to keep the complaining to a minimum here. But shut up, seriously, this is my blog and I can do whatever I want.
This week has been crawling ALONG man, I feel like it’s been Thursday for weeks, seriously. It’s becoming too much to handle. But the end is in sight. Tomorrow is SPIRIT day for the stupid play, and the spirit is to dress up as farmers. And I like, get why they chose that for spirit, because it ties into the play in many ways, but I just feel that spirits like this don’t really READ for the rest of the school. They don’t send any kind of message about the play, and they just kind of confirm the idea in everyone’s head that theatre kids are weird. I’m not saying theatre kids ARE weird, that’s just the idea in everyone’s head. I also get like freaked out when people tell me what to wear, because I very meticulously plan my school outfits (mostly) and these spirit days majorly throw off my groove. Not to mention that we have to start wearing Breast Cancer Awareness tshirts every Tuesday in October. Which leaves me 3 (THREE) days of choosing my own freaking outfit.
But I said I’d try to simmer down on the complaining front, and plus if anyone reads this they will undoubtedly have me impeached from my WPG/theatre co-presidency because I’m making it sound like I have no spirit. I DO have spirit, and I love these clubs, I’m just a picky dresser. SORRY.
Anyway, moving on to more stuff you don’t care about, I AM IN LOVE. Yeah dude, it’s legit. And you are dying to know who has captured my fancy, are you not?! Well I can’t tell you obviously. But I thought I’d let you know that that’s in the works.
So, at the rate I am going with my college preparations, which is like….0 mph, and also with the fact that I have 0 dollars to pay FOR college if I actually muster up the energy to apply anywhere and if they do in fact accept me, both of which are seeming unlikely at this point, it APPEARS that I’m not going to college. Jaykay I probably will, but it is a slow boat to china let me tell you. And I was trying to be like, semi-proactive by visiting my guidance counselor to seek um, GUIDANCE on the college preparation front, and it turns out that my guidance counselor is completely useless. This is something that I’ve had suspicions of since the beginning of high school when I met her, but I was sort of hoping that she just seemed useless, and that she was saving all of her energy for my senior year when she would really get the wheels turning and help me get into college. ALAS! That is not the case. She really just is useless. All she does is flip around in that big book of colleges and ask me how my senior year is going. Well guess WHAT, Kris?? My senior year is sucking right now because I have a worthless counselor. And also, a MONKEY could flip through that big book of colleges all day long, are you seriously being paid for this.
I’m a little salty this evening, I apologize. At least I’m in SOME kind of a mood though, cause for the past couple of days I have just felt like an emotionless zombie, so I’m glad to see that some kind of attitude is warming up my frozen countenance, even if it’s a kind of negative one.
I don’t even know why I’m awake right now, I should probably put a lid on this and get to bed. Hopefully I don’t have any homework tonight cause I ain’t doin it. Anyway I will probably write again at some point, but I could also possibly never write again, so we shall see what we shall see.
You know in movies when there’s like, a guy in a room, and the room is slowly filling up with water, and he’s like trying to jar open the door and get out, and he keeps like swimming to the top to get a breath of air, and you’re just sitting there watching the movie like, “yeah. this guy is done for.”
I feel like I’ve seen that in a lot of movies, but I apologize if you’re less familiar with this particular scenario. If you’ve never seen this happen, watch like, The Guardian, Phantom of the Opera, National Treasure…idk there’s a bunch. It’ll be there I promise.
ANYWAY, the reason I’m describing this to you, is because that’s seriously how I feel like my life is right now. And yes, I am kind of exaggerating, because my life is not really in imminent danger (that I know of) and there’s not really any water involved so like. It’s a stretch. But the point is, I’m majorly floundering. I feel like I’m basically failing at everything, which is a pretty sucky thing to feel, and I also feel like I have pretty much zero friends. Well…that’s not fair I guess, I DO have friends, but I feel like we only relate on so many levels, and they really have no idea what is actually going on in my life. And that’s not their fault, seriously, I’m not expecting people to like do a detailed background search on me and figure out all my problems and like 100% empathize with me, but…it’s nice to have friends who semi-relate.
I’m making it sound sound like I have all these ridiculously serious problems in my life right now, which isn’t really true at all…it’s all stupid stuff like money and school and parents, and I’m sure that things will start looking up eventually. It’s just at like, an exceptionally low, sucky point right now.
I’m also sort of freaking out, because my mom was talking to me about my grandmom today and she is apparently not doing too well. Which I didn’t even KNOW, and it makes me feel BAD that I didn’t know, because what kind of a grandchild am I? Like, a pretty terrible one. I never make an effort to see or talk to my grandmom, and it appears that my time is running out to do so.
I don’t know guys. (Don’t ask me why I’m referring to the zero people who read this as “guys”, it just feels better to imagine somebody actually listening to me) I always say how much I hate those emo blogs where people just whine about their lives 24/7, and here I am doing the same thing. It’s just TOUGH, you know?? Why is life so freaking tough??? And I figure that like, I better talk to somebody, even if it’s just this echoey void in cyberspace, or else I’ll probably explode one day. Which doesn’t really seem like a positive thing.
On a brighter note, I just planned the outfits I’m going to wear for this ENTIRE WEEK. ISN’T THAT EXCITING?!?! Probably not for you, but I seriously spend way too much time the night before figuring out what to wear. But this week, I’m all ready to go. I’m pretty pumped.
Anyway I should probably go to sleep. Sorry for a totally dumb entry.
they would be:
1. To be the most beautiful person in the world.
2. To have a continuously replenishing box of money that never ever ran out, and that no one knew about.
3. To stop being so selfish.
